Loctor Mayat’s Autopsy

(KUALA LUMPUR, 27th Jan) — The general public was caught unaware today when the national BLR rate was unexpectedly increase by 2.5% without any announcements or prior warnings. Effective from today, all establishments will be using the new rate.

Chairman of the Banana Leaf Rice Restaurant Association of Malaysia, Sivaji the Boss told LAUTERS in a faxed statement that the rate increase for the popular Banana Leaf Rice dish is inevitable considering that fact that costs of raw ingredients has increased tremendously over the past few years and that the association has been absorbing the additional costs all these years.

“It is fair that we pass down just a fraction of the burden the association has been carrying for these few years. The recent hike in sugar and Gardenia prices was the last that we could handle.” Sivaji said.

“An increase of 2.5% is not really a big deal to the general Malaysian public you see. A usual set of Banana Leaf Rice with mutton, vegetables and curry now only costs RM8.20 instead of RM8 previously. If they can spend RM20 extra every month for Astro B.yond, I think they don’t mind spending extra 2o cents everyday to continue enjoying our Banana Leaf Rice.”

LAUTERS reporters went to some of the Banana Leaf Rice restaurants and interviewed the owners as well as patrons.

“I am giving customers extra piece of papadam today so they won’t feel like they’re overpaying for my Banana Leaf Rice”, said Muthusamy Balachandran, owner of Muthu’s Banana Leaf Restaurant.

“Well, some of my regular customers are complaining about the hike. To ensure that they still patronize my restaurant, I provide free 802.11b WiFi service. So they can go online and surf the internet while enjoying my steaming hot banana leaf rice”.

A customer, who remained anonymous, said that this is sign that cost of living in Malaysia is increasing faster than we expected. He hopes the government will consider listing Banana Leaf Rice under the controlled price items so that any further subsidy will be subjected to government review.

– LAUTERS

(JELUTONG, PENANG, 22 Jan) - When everyone assumed that the dust of the Kampung Buah Lapar case has settled, another round of protest happened early this morning when chief minister of Penang, YAB Lim Guan Eng was making his rounds visiting the residents of the nearby Kampung Buah Per Lier.

A group of cows, previously from the Kampung Buah Lapar site, were gathering in front of the chief minister and his associates, complaining about having no place to continue their livelihood and also the loss of their farms when the original villagers left them to stay in their newly built terrace houses, which costs half a million each.

ANGRY: The Kampung Buah Lapar cows blocking civilians in their protest

Cow Pek, 58 year old cow told LAUTERS, “Ever since the villagers left us and our farms destroyed, my wife Cow Boo has been throwing away all her milk everyday as they spoil easily. Without anybody buying her milk, how can I afford to continue our livelihood?”

“Now I don’t even have enough money to subscribe to ASTRO B.Yond even though I have a 42 inch Panasonic Plasma High Definition TV!”

Another protester, SaiMon Cow-el, told reporters that he will be contacting a legal team to help them in their plight.

“There is no way we’re letting this rest so easily. We will fight against the state government!”

The protest however did not affect the chief minister as he and his associates were seen just laughing at the protesters, and walking off without saying anything.

FUNNY: Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng laughing as he walked away from a protester

The police were at the scene to maintain control of the scene. The protest was called off peacefully by 4:25pm as most of the cows were rushing back to their various homes to catch “Jangan Simpan Tangismu” series on TV1.

2 hours later during Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng’s “No to plastic bags, and now say NO to overpriced and rude Char Koay Teow Hawkers at Lorong Selamat” campaign launching ceremony press conference, he was asked by LAUTERS reporter for comments with regards to the protest earlier.

“HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA….’, YAB Lim responded happily.

– LAUTERS

GEORGETOWN - Year 6 pupil Ali Othman bin Abu Bakar has filed a lawsuit against his own father for failing to meet his end of agreement after he obtained straight As for his UPSR public examinations.

According to his lawyers, Ali’s father has an agreement with him in the beginning of the year in which if he manages to score full distinctions for the public exam, he will be bringing him to Disneyland Iskandar in Johor for the year end holidays. The agreement was alleged to be made as a motivation for Ali to study hard.

“Throughout my school life, I’ve never scored any As for any subjects before. I do not see the benefit of it because I’d rather spend my precious childhood playing Nintendo Wii and updating my Facebook profile.”, Ali said.

“So when the Disneyland offer was made, I was taken by surprise and vowed to study hard.”

Ali Othman, 12 

“However, when the results came out, my father just congratulated me and tell me to get ready for high school. I felt cheated as I could have used all the time I spent for studying to play Call of Duty 5 and watch more Youtube clips.”

Ali’s father, who declined to be named, vowed that he will challenge the lawsuit in court with his own legal counsel.

“There is no agreement at all! Where is the proof of my promise to Ali? I will see him in court!”, he told reporters when met at his home.

“The truth is, that boy has threatened me that if I don’t bring him to Disneyland at the end of the year, he will quit school and join his Mat Rempit friends!”

The Penang High Court will begin hearing at Feb 18 this year.

– LAUTERS

Well well well… I have to agree, this blog has been growing cobwebs already due to lack of updates lately. Ha ha… well please don’t blame me, UltraBen is growing up extremely fast and both Mrs Mayat and myself are trying very hard and putting lots of effort (a.k.a sleepless nights) trying to meet his demands and schedule.

Nevertheless, I am not complaining and I feel that it is a very humbling experience being a dad. It is also a very fun experience too because it’s not long that I found out that UltraBen likes to pang phooi and pang sai a lot too. WOAHAHHAHA

Actually, today was the Full Moon and Thanksgiving celebration of my dear UltraBen. I invited about 90++ of my closest friends, relatives and church members to my apartment to have a simple luncheon and also to open my house for visit since I’ve never really invited anybody to visit us ever since we moved in about 3 years ago. LOL~!!!

The guests started trickling in slowly by noon and about half an hour later, everybody took their seat and I gave a brief introduction to my dear UltraBen and showed some funny photos of him and myself. LOL…

Then, I invited the church elder to say a thanksgiving prayer and after that, everybody helped themselves to the buffet. The food was actually quite good and it’s not very expensive too. Of course, by Penang-kia standard, expensive is always a relative term. …… relative to the amount of Ang Pow received. HAHAHAHAHA

The guests came over to see UltraBen and take photos of/with him but that little boy, he just dozed off throughout the event. Not even the loud talking and laughing of the guests could wake him up. Hahaha…

Nevertheless, UltraBen’s great grandmother got to see him and she is very happy. This great grandmother shall be celebrating her 80th birthday this year and all of us will be going over to some resort to celebrate it. It’s gonna be fun!

By 3pm, all the guests went back with their stomach full and my dear parents helped to clean up the rented hall downstairs and we also bid farewell to Mrs Mayat’s parents as they need to make their way back to Tangjung Malim/Banting by evening.

About 2 hours later, I got a call from the Miss Purple Lady a.k.a Super Model for Kiamsiap™ 3×6 Diffuser Taiping Edition. She and her fiance was so kind enough to drop by our home to visit UltraBen on their journey back from Perlis to Kulim. Woah…

The farnee thing is, Miss Purple Lady is trying hard to learn how to hold a baby correctly and when I passed UltraBen to her arms, she froze and her arms went stiff. Ha ha ha… !

After a while, she relaxed and UltraBen started to get cheesy with her….

WOAHAHHAHAH….

Few years down the road, I’m gonna show UltraBen this photo again and tease him. LOL!!

Anyhow, that’s my life so far for 1 month with UltraBen. Mrs Mayat will continue taking care of him until her 2 months maternity is up (which coincidentally, is after Chinese New Year). By then, I will have more free time to continue shoot more photos and organize some outings liao.

For now, I’m just gonna stay at home and pass down my PhotoShop™ skills to my ‘disciple’. WOAHHAHAHA